My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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call someone by a siblings name.

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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while i'm doing something,i think a suitable soundtrack for it.

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While listening to music, I take my headphones off to make sure nobody else can hear it.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.