thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.