I masturbate with sandpaper

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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when i use omegle u usually say im a girl, when a guy says how long is his thing, i say 'mine too' :D

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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I meow when my cat meows.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.