Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Vote for the other guy

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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Raising your hand in class, and once you're called on, you say, "I forgot."

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.