When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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i have my own way of eating every chocolate bar i eat, layer by layer

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.