I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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I sometimes deliberately missed buses and trains even if I could easily board them.

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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I hate being called "buddy".

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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Think about breathing...

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.