see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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When I need to poop in a public toilet, I poop to the side so there's no plop.

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When you're in your late teens, you blare the car stereo when driving near girls that are walking. When you grow up, you turn the radio down in fear that you look like a tool bag.

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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imagine shooting lasers out from the car and bouncing them of walls and back to the car

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.