I think about other women when having sex

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Vote for the other guy

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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daydream/pretend i'm in a story. pretend to be a new person in a movie where all the cool main characters are my friends, add to the movie with my own story and add twists and make it my own.

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.