I think about other women when having sex

when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

Vote for the other guy

When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

daydream/pretend i'm in a story. pretend to be a new person in a movie where all the cool main characters are my friends, add to the movie with my own story and add twists and make it my own.

if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.