My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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fall asleep in the shower.

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.