I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.