Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

thumb_up thumb_down -38

When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

thumb_up thumb_down -40

After reading some good posts here, I skipped to the last pages just to find out really sick people and stupid things.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Don't make a sound when sitting in the stall and someone walks in; and in turn, don't say anything to the person in the stall even if you know who it is!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Pretend animals talk to you!

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.