My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I don't like just killing bugs in my home so what I do is I would catch them in a tissue and flush them down my toilet

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.