I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Having a dream and forgetting it seconds later.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Open a new google tab when someone walks in the room, even if I wasn't looking at anything bad.

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When no one is around I make sound effects for everything I do.

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turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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When you say something you think is funny but it turns out that it's only funny in your head so once you say it there's this moment of awkwardness and everyone else probably just forgets about it but it haunts you for the rest of your life. ~

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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Go into a card shop, laugh hysterically at the funny ones, then leave. Then whilst walking down the street, you think of them again and burst out laughing. This is highly embarrassing when you're alone!

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.