1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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When your friend tells you something, but you don't hear them so you just start laughing.

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I apologize, when i bump against things.

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When you drop something and then drop it again as soon as you start picking it up

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when i have to go down stairs at night, i have to sprint up the stairs in case there are ghosts/monsters never dangle my feet over the bed in case something tickles/touches them

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Use head & "Shoulders" for pubic hair

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When In the car, use th bug guts to ramp up all of the culverts and when you don't have a landing for a while, pretend that you got a speed bonus and are soaring with some amazing air.-dillon

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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looking at the bottom when i meet foreigners talking among themselves... dang. no subtitles.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

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always hurt urself and blame the object for hurting u

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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ur parents never pay attention to u but when they do they r yelling at u

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.