When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Being fat

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I can't brush my teeth with the toilet lid up.

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When I've had an argument with someone I'll play it over in my head and come up with new responses. Then, sometimes my reenactment will get so heated that i start yelling my new arguments, and geting even more angry then before.

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Guessing how many people are listening to the same song at the same moment as you

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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Cough and shift my feet a lot when someone comes into the public bathroom so they know someone is in the stall and won't walk in on me.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.