when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

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Looking at this naked with a cat on you're lap.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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Praying to God even though you tell people you're an Atheist.

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Before I go to bed I have to put one of my hands between my knees in order to warm up and get comfy.

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I put morals on posts to get a thumbs up. Moral: Posts with morals get thumbs up.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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I give my own posts a thumbs up whenever I have the option and I know that it's anonymous.

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Buying a new song, listening to it on repeat for hours until it gets old, and then never listening to it again.

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I stare at people to see if they have a innie or outtie belly button

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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Wondering how you look to other people and adjusting your clothes and posture so you don't feel as unatractive as you think you are, but aren't.

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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check shower for murder then pee

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.