I hit the frig after sex

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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At school I go along with the norm even though inside I HATE it!!!!

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Sometimes I think the whole world is set up, and I feel like I'm living in some kind of Truman Show. I even sometimes say "I know you're there" to the moon.

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Do somthing only you do

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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Living in the shadow of an atheletic friend, and secretly wanting to beat them up just to prove that you're as good as they are.

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.