In my head, my life is some kind of on-going documentary about my life. Sometimes when I'm alone, I conduct interviews.

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My most intimate moments are constantly interrupted by the same thought..."oh, God...what if there is a secret security cam in here...CUT TO: oh God...can my dead grandparents see me now????"

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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Pull the curtain right to the end so there are no gaps just in case some weirdo at night decides to look in my window.

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Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

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sometimes if I am going on a flight to another country I will hold a small pocket of air in my mouth before getting on the plane and then I would let it out after we land

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Find something on this site that you actually do not do, and think how weird the person who wrote that must be.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.