Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I rehearse arguments in my head.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

from now on in gonna eat healthier! *seeing chocolate* hm... okay i'll make an exemption today but from TOMORROW on!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

thumb_up thumb_down -37

blink

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Wishing you could go back in time and do a situation over again, becuase you regret the stuff you did.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Before posting a comment when you need several consecutive tries to type the words in the box because the lettering is so damn hard to read. But your friend can do it in one try. He got the easy one.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

go though and like the posts with only one like so the person who wrote it doesn't feel alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

When in bed, I fold a small section of the covers in my hand to make a point and poke my fingers with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.