get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Cope with serious things by not taking them seriously.

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

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i draw pictures of pokemon on comments (\____/) (??????)

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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When I have an argument with someone and they're correcting my grammar over a word that I obviously made up but they're grammar/slash spelling skills suck I want to end them.

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When I'm reading a story in English class or a book in general but I'm tired while doing so and I'm reading on down the page, if I read a sentence and miss a word or mispronounce a word I MUST go back and re read the entire sentence until I have read it correctly or I feel very weird and panicked.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Realising that there are ASSHOLES posting dumb shit on this site.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.