Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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Thinking you could be in a "Truman Show" style scenario and scanning areas of your house and possessions for tiny little cameras and microphones.

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Automatically lie to your dentist when they ask if you floss

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Read what other people do that you don't, and think how weird that person must be.

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Think something that you REALLY don't want to think and hurriedly force your mind to change its thoughts.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

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Forgetting the same word over and over again and having a spaz attack when you can't remember it for more than a couple of seconds.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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Sometime if I need to go I would go outside so I don't splash the seat

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when playing games like grand theft auto I drive normally like all the other people in the game when i'm bored

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Whenever i wear long sleeves i always hold onto the sleeves with my ring and pinkie fingers.

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think about all of the things you would do if you were the only person on earth

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Not clicking the Facebook 'like' button on "pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud", because it will show up on your profile, and you think other people will think you're strange.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.