Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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check shower for murder then pee

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Walking around store and store clerk asks are you finding everything ok..and you reply yes and you...

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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I brace myself and close my eyes when I send an email to my teachers or parents.

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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I put big spaces in between comments

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Thinking that you're the only person on Earth, and everyone else is there just to affect you.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.