before i go to sleep i must check the front door knob multiple times to make sure its locked

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run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never did certain things like move to a new house or attended a certain school or college. I wonder if I still would have met the people who are in my life now. I think about If I never met my best friends, people who are like family to me. Then I get really sad because it's something I never want to imagine. Afterwards, I talk to them to cheer myself up.

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If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

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While walking past someone thats wearing sunglasses you stare at them and wonder if there staring a t you aswell

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Moral: Damn I clicked on pointless super powers how did I get here! Moral: I wrote the "thing only I do" below :P

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Count how long it takes before you stop peeing.

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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I am wearing ear buds even though I'm not actually listening to anything.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Tear up when I poop

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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Having small fingers and, regardless, still unable to click on the right thing when on the internet with a touch screen phone.

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Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

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I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.