wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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I make different scenarios for different songs I listen to. I pretend the walls and couches are people. I talk to them.

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When no one is around I make sound effects for everything I do.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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Stick ur thumb between ur first and middle finger without realizing it

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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I never look out the window at night because I'm afraid there will be an Alien staring at me when I move the curtains.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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When taking trash up to the street, I always runback as fast as I can, counting down from 5, pretending there's a sniper about to shoot me.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.