Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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whenever I see those commercials where there is two people talking to each other but they constantly look at me it really irritates me

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I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night with a feeling that I'm falling

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Fall asleep at night fantasizing about how you wish life situations would play out.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Go into a shop that you thought would have some interesting things, but when you find that it dosn't, you quickly browse the shop for a bit so that you don't offend the cashier by entering and leaving immediately.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Living in the shadow of an atheletic friend, and secretly wanting to beat them up just to prove that you're as good as they are.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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when i get pissed off at someone i go to an empty room and then imagine killing them

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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When I die during an online game I try to cram as much food and drink in my mouth as I can before I respawn. If I have no food I roll all over the bed.

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I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

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When I've had an argument with someone I'll play it over in my head and come up with new responses. Then, sometimes my reenactment will get so heated that i start yelling my new arguments, and geting even more angry then before.

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Remembering that you're breathing and then it stops being subconscious so you have to purposely breathe until you stop thinking about it.

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.