Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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When someome asks you a question and you can't hear them so you say, "what?", then they say it again and you miss it so you just nod your head and say "yeah".

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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ASMR

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Getting that huge shiver when you take a really good pee.

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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turn on my reading light when I get in bed just to check if there's a monster.

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gh, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a long time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

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When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.