Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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Slate the game you playing but always go back for more...ie FIFA, Cod!!!

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Wiggle my foot befor u go sleep in bed!!??

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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when I need to do a number 2 in a public toilet I put toilet paper in there first so my neighbours cant hear it.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Ever dreamt of being naked and then waking up in horror.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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dream about the most amazing guy/girl that you have a relationship with and hope it comes true

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.