I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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Thinking your life is a movie...

When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Checking out peoples cars to try and figure out what kind of driver they are.

Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

Whenever I Iook into the mirror, I think there's a second evil dimension.

My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

Play with my own boobs for no reason

When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

make food scream if i chop them up.

make mini paper airoplanes in boring lessons and pretend you are flying them

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

Sometimes I stay as still as I can and stare at myself in the mirror until it scares me and I freak out about who I am and why I'm living. I have to think of my family and memories to snap out of it.

I carry more money in my wallet than it appears, I just tuck some away because I think that if I can't see it and have to go through the trouble to get it out- then I won't spend it.

I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

I sleep in the nude.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.