when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

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whale sperm

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cringe when I squeeze a cotton ball, ugh

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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I approach balcony ledges with my feet firmly planted, just in case a random person decides to come pick me up and throw me off the balcony.

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

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Tough but loving hands!! Mmm them calluses tho!! ^_^

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

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Wanting to be the Walmart baby model as a kid ^_^

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.