Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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I walk down the stairs sideways because I'm afraid something will get me.

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I rape small children ;).

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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While peeing, I will sometimes flush the toilet mid-stream and see if I can finish before it flushes all the way.

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Sometimes when I look at something up close, I alternate closing each eye and looking at the object from the other eye, then switch again. I do it really fast to make it look like that thing is moving. It's really entertaining.

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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when i was i kid i use to do the balloon trick where you rubit on your head then when there is enough put it on a wooden floor and while it's followin me i put my hands out and pretended that i was controlling it

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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I always open up another tab on my browser, just in case I accidentally exit, so my computer can warn me that I will close 2 tabs.

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dont wash hands for the recommended 30 seconds

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When making toast, I stop the toaster halfway and flip the toast like it's sunbathing.

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use any nearby window's reflection you walk by to check on appearance.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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When I've had an argument with someone I'll play it over in my head and come up with new responses. Then, sometimes my reenactment will get so heated that i start yelling my new arguments, and geting even more angry then before.

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watch raindrops race down a window and see which one wins

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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"Turn the tv volume with my feet" "Take a wood stick and think it's a sword"

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i smoke weed all day.

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Pick giant boogers and eat them.

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Pick my nose with my elbow, that way I keep my nails clean.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.