At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

When bored, I often fold pieces of paper to make a little point and poke my fingers/hands with it.

Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

When I do a fresh pile of laundry I throw them on my bed and lay in them.

When in a room with a bunch of people, see the one person who's extremely cute and then get a random boner and think "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY"

After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

When I'm scared in the shower sing

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

Walking around store and store clerk asks are you finding everything ok..and you reply yes and you...

When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

When I read something someone you know has written I read it in their voice.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.