Sometimes I stop typing in the middle of a sen

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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I like eating chicken clubs with my hands and dip them in ketchup while pretending I am a caveman

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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For some reason, I smile whenever I'm telling someone bad news or a sad story. I always try to not smile, but it doesn't work and I feel like a terrible person.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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whenever im getting a haircut, i feel as if the barber can see my embarrassing and private thoughts.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Always cover yourself in the bathroom mirror at home because you have this strange feeling that people at school are all watching you through your mirror~pls tell me im not the only one who ever feels this~oh well

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.