When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Moving my bottom jaw around slightly makes me feel like I have dog-like ears and I'm moving them around.

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I eat spoons of dry hot chocolate powder when nobody is around.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Give a 'thumbs up' or a 'thumbs down' based strictly on how much you like the number it will change it to.

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im going to rape that girl

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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having cool friends, but all of their other friends are nerds.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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I like to burn candles in my room and some times I burn the hair on my arm and smell it afterwards

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act like people from movies or shows just because my life is that boring

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.