When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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when watching a movie or tv show, i think i am the main character and when it does somthing stupid i become embaressed

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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When your best friend has a certain make/model/color car, you start seeing it everywhere you go.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

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When nobodys home, stay as quiet as possible just in case an intrudor is hiding somewhere

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Create a little story/scenario in your head abbout someone you like or want to meet, while lying to go to sleep.

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When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

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When I've had an argument with someone I'll play it over in my head and come up with new responses. Then, sometimes my reenactment will get so heated that i start yelling my new arguments, and geting even more angry then before.

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I eat ass

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Rapidly click the mouse when your computer is frozen, even though you know it won't do anything to help whatsoever.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Try to imagine every couple I see having sex.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.