Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

When listening to music I imagine myself and people in a movie scene that fits the music.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

thumb_up thumb_down -48

open the fridge A eat food B think

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,877

Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Eating chicken at KFC.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When I was younger I started doing a weird habit of playing music and spinning around in circles in my room... .. I still do it to this day.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

thumb_up thumb_down -94

I start doing some of the weird things I wouldn't have thought of doing if I hadn't I read them on this website.

thumb_up thumb_down -139

i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When you get lost while driving, the first thing you do is turn down the radio.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.