Hate when you finish a cup of pudding or something like that and you don’t want to get up to put the spoon in the sink so you just leave it sitting in the cup but the spoon is too tall for the cup and it falls over.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

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i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

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R A P E Children

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Having gay sex

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Post on this website, then give yourself the first thumbs up to kick-start your success.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Flush the toilet before peeing to see if I can accomplish peeing before the water flushes away. :)

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.