Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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Drink a huge amount of water only for the pleasure of having your stomach filled with it.

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Find something on this site that you actually do not do, and think how weird the person who wrote that must be.

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I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

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When you're full at a restaurant and leave your drink. One day you're thirsty and remember back to when you COULD have finished that drink.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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When I'm getting shouted out i blur my eyes and think of something else :3

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When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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incognito mode on google chrome

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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Seperate your food on you dinner plate

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I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.