When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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I use chopsticks or disposable latex gloves to eat sandwiches, chocolate, basically any finger food, because in my opinion, it's impossible to get that greasy, sticky film off my fingers.

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I was the real Stig...

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whenever there is a person I really, really hate, I imagion them dying in a cruel and painful way.

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mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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I light my pubes on fire instead of shaving them because they aren't as itchy that way.

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

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When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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As im about to fall asleep sometimes i feel like im falling and then i have a muscle spasem and wake up.

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Living in the shadow of an atheletic friend, and secretly wanting to beat them up just to prove that you're as good as they are.

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When I've had an argument with someone I'll play it over in my head and come up with new responses. Then, sometimes my reenactment will get so heated that i start yelling my new arguments, and geting even more angry then before.

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.