think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Write things on this site, because i cant sleep

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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I hit the frig after sex

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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I brush my teeth with the tap on because it sounds weird brushing in silence.

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Act as if you don't notice her, but you really are dying to take another look at her.

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Tried to stuff yourself in the fridge

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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choose which piece of cereal in the cereal bowl i should eat last.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.