Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

Drink a huge amount of water only for the pleasure of having your stomach filled with it.

Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Find something on this site that you actually do not do, and think how weird the person who wrote that must be.

I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

Take off the ends of the banana (

I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

When you're full at a restaurant and leave your drink. One day you're thirsty and remember back to when you COULD have finished that drink.

Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

When I'm getting shouted out i blur my eyes and think of something else :3

When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

incognito mode on google chrome

When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

Seperate your food on you dinner plate

I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.