You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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you spread your cheeks apart when you sit on the the tolet so that your poop does not touch your cheaks

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Am I the only one that thinks of things, and force yourself to not to think about it, then you hear people laugh or go "OHHHH" so you think that you said your thoughts out loud and everyone heard?

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Trace the letters on the front of your textbooks with your finger.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Had a dream within a dream, just like Inception. You woke up and it felt so real you were sure of it. Then a bit later you wake up again.

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

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Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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i pretend to have the ability of telekinesis and move things around my house , garden, playground...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.