When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

I have one friend I always punch in the shoulder at least once when I see him.

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

whenever I lucid dream, I find that I don't do much

Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

Sometimes I put on my running shoes to make myself feel like I worked out but I really didn't.

You remember something funny. You smile like an idiot. Everyone around thinks your weird for randomly smiling.

I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

When I'm at someone else's house, clutter sort of bothers me and it makes me want to clean up. At my own house, it feels really weird if there's a lack of clutter, so I like to keep it that way.

I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

I use the power-stance sometimes when I poop. It's where you completely remove one leg from your pants and put the shoe back on. Your legs can go further apart.

hurting your foot and running around trying not to think of the pain!

Eat pizza backwards because the crust isn't as good as the cheese part and I want to get that over with.

When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

when i was i kid i use to do the balloon trick where you rubit on your head then when there is enough put it on a wooden floor and while it's followin me i put my hands out and pretended that i was controlling it

If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

When your sitting on the toilet you watch a video,or read something on your ipod/ipad/etc

Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.