Turn the Microwave off at 1 second

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I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

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Sometimes I wonder if my whole life is a hallucination and I'm actually in some padded room somewhere, talking to myself and staring into space while my real family mourns the fact that their daughter will never be able to live a real life...

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I have tons of imaginary conversations in my head with people I know, but they never happen. It's worse when something funny happens in the imaginary conversation and I laugh to myself, and if someone notices I can't even say that I was remembering something because I wasn't, it had never happened...

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Someone asks a question and you say "what?" and then answer them because you actually heard but didn't realize it.

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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I always feel a little twinge of regret when I see "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service," because I know it's a lie.

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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when singing to music on my ipod, i sometimes pause the music to hear how loud I am singing.

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Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

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I hold my boobs if I'm running upstairs and not wearing a bra.

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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I invented this game in the bathroom called "start peeing before the light fully lightens up".Its kind of a challenge because if i actually succeed i might not pee in the right place.

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no magazine on toilet? read shampoo bottle

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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When I've had an argument with someone I'll play it over in my head and come up with new responses. Then, sometimes my reenactment will get so heated that i start yelling my new arguments, and geting even more angry then before.

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When I eat potato chips, I lick each side to make sure the really salty part is down.

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lie in bed, stare at the ceiling fan, focus on only one blade, and see how long your eyesight can follow it.

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Sometimes I imagine what it would look like if I was seeing out of another person's eyes across from where I happen to be.

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reading thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com at the office when you're supposed to be working then checking that the guy next to you doesn't notice. and quickly clicking a different tab when someone is walking or standing nearby.

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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Fap and when you're done you feel ashamed and feel like you're wasting your life lol

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.