When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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I have one friend I always punch in the shoulder at least once when I see him.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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whenever I lucid dream, I find that I don't do much

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Sometimes I put on my running shoes to make myself feel like I worked out but I really didn't.

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You remember something funny. You smile like an idiot. Everyone around thinks your weird for randomly smiling.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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When I'm at someone else's house, clutter sort of bothers me and it makes me want to clean up. At my own house, it feels really weird if there's a lack of clutter, so I like to keep it that way.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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I use the power-stance sometimes when I poop. It's where you completely remove one leg from your pants and put the shoe back on. Your legs can go further apart.

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hurting your foot and running around trying not to think of the pain!

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Eat pizza backwards because the crust isn't as good as the cheese part and I want to get that over with.

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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when i was i kid i use to do the balloon trick where you rubit on your head then when there is enough put it on a wooden floor and while it's followin me i put my hands out and pretended that i was controlling it

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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When your sitting on the toilet you watch a video,or read something on your ipod/ipad/etc

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.