When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

I can only play a piano with my right hand

I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

Try stick to something but fail in the end

Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

dont turn my fan up so high cause i think its going to fall and slice me to bits -jesse

if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

When ever my boyfriend doesn't reply to a text for a few hours I always imagine a worse case scenario and end up crying hystaricaly.

when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

Attempting to start phychic conversations with people in public

Pretend to talk on the phone when you see someone you don't want to say hello.

If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

When I have a really good dream, and I wake up and realize it was a dream, I try to fall back asleep and re-visit the dream.

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

think that you are wasting way too much time on this website and that you could be exercising right now or be doing a million more productive things than righting about doing more productive things on things you think only you do.

Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

I scratch the scabs on my head whenever im bored

When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.