Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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When out I like to "people watch."

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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After reading some good posts here, I skipped to the last pages just to find out really sick people and stupid things.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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Saving some leftovers of your favorite food .... the next week its still there (:

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I like to poo while smoking.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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After going to the bathroom, flush the toilet than hurry out of the bathroom and walk fast past a certain line going across the floor or make an imaginary line on the floor before the toilet fully flushes.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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Randomly flexing random muscles after long time of sitting at the computer

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When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.