I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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working out escape routes for each room in your house when you're alone, just in case

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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Whenever I'm throwing trash down the garbage chute or into a dumpster, I all of the sudden am terrified that I accidentally threw out a valuable ring/my cell phone with the trash.

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Cover up the webcam on my laptop because I think someone might be watching me through it.

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I am wearing ear buds even though I'm not actually listening to anything.

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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Find something you dislike about your face/body and instantly compare it with every person you meet from then on

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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I'm in my twenties and still don't drive.

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I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.