I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

thumb_up thumb_down +413

I think SpongeBob and Patrick are rude, inconsiderate a_holes. ... That's right, I'm an adult and I watch SpongeBob. lol

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I never look out the window at night because I'm afraid there will be an Alien staring at me when I move the curtains.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

Pee in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Pretend I'm much more popular than I am with people who don't know my social life.

thumb_up thumb_down +403

I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

thumb_up thumb_down -18

If I have a black surface I scratch my dandruff onto and make a dandruff galaxy.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Buying a new song, listening to it on repeat for hours until it gets old, and then never listening to it again.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

On YouTube when I go to like a comment or a video. I click the Like button 2 or 3 times just to make sure it went through.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

I have a phobia of incest

thumb_up thumb_down -119

I stop the microwave at 1 second so that one someone else uses it it beeps

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.