When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

make food scream if i chop them up.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

make mini paper airoplanes in boring lessons and pretend you are flying them

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -110

When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Sometimes I stay as still as I can and stare at myself in the mirror until it scares me and I freak out about who I am and why I'm living. I have to think of my family and memories to snap out of it.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I carry more money in my wallet than it appears, I just tuck some away because I think that if I can't see it and have to go through the trouble to get it out- then I won't spend it.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I sleep in the nude.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Tear up when I poop

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Put things in the front of the dishwasher 1st cause im to lazy to pull the whole thing out to put anything in the back or the right place.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

when you can't think of anything to type you just type random letters. a;lsdfj;ldfkjsfasdfljf

thumb_up thumb_down -9

While washing your hair in the shower, having the weird fear of opening your eyes to see something staring at you.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

I put my finger in jars of jam/yoghurt/honey etc then lick the finger and repeat and hope nobody see's me.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

must have the tv volume set to an even number or feel weird

thumb_up thumb_down +421

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.