Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Eat goldfish and cheez-its salt side down.

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That microscopic flying things that follows my eyes' motion, especially when i look up in the sky.

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Always look down at the floor or avoiding any kind of eye contact when your getting told off for something really bad

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Guessing how many people are listening to the same song at the same moment as you

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Remembering that you're breathing and then it stops being subconscious so you have to purposely breathe until you stop thinking about it.

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I count how many steps it takes to cross a section of sidewalk, and will continue taking the same amount of steps until I realize it.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

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I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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when someone mispronounces something I say the correct pronunciation quietly under my breath so it doesn't bother me

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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Sometimes I walk around my house with my eyes closed and pretend I'm blind.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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When I get the chance, I always nick a chip from my mum's or dad's dinner.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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sit in the shower

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.