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Clarksonisms
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Shit Brix
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gh, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a long time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.
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-68
In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.
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-37
smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat
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+2,743
I chew around the center of carrots.
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-91
im going to kill that person and get away with it
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-81
Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.
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-34
Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)
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+4
When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.
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-28
Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.
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+17
HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*
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-61
Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.
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-8
flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.
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-34
Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.
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-35
Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not
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-25
I turn on the faucet or turn up the radio in the bathroom so maybe no one can hear me pee.
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-71
Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.
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-36
Mispronounce a word that you have a billion times before because you couldn't figure out what it said for a second.
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+30
People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*
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+1,758
When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie
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+1,634
While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.
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+1,941
You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt
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-10
Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things
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-48
I really don't know what to do when i see a double post on here. I mean, i get that people like to do stuff with their feet when their in bed, but somehow al lot of these people do not find it enough to vote up an existing post.
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+44
Trying to take the same number of steps in a block of sidewalk while you're walking.
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+80
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Things You Think Only You Do
A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.