do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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I have a phobia of incest

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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When I need to poop in a public toilet, I poop to the side so there's no plop.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When you're the youngest child, you never quit feeling like a little kids, even in your 20s.

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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Always look down at the floor or avoiding any kind of eye contact when your getting told off for something really bad

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Do somthing only you do

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.