Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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wonder who wrote these things

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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Apologizing to things when I drop them and feeling stupid afterwards

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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invent arguments in my head with people to hone my debate skills for future arguments.

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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Read for hours... then hear a narrative for everything you do after you stop reading. for ex: "Jen gets out of the car, shutting it with a loud bang. She walks towards the house, noticing the dead squirrel in the road."

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Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

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I T-bag my teammates in MW3 when they die.

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.