Being fat

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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i smoke weed all day.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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watch old shows I used to watch when I was younger

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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wonder who wrote these things

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Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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On YouTube when I go to like a comment or a video. I click the Like button 2 or 3 times just to make sure it went through.

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try to count down when the school be is going to ring.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.