Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

thumb_up thumb_down -27

use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

thumb_up thumb_down +356

Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Still record on VHS tapes.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

thumb_up thumb_down -111

wondering if everyone else in the world can read your mind so you avoid thinking about specific things

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +157

I hold my breath in elevators

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When I woke up this morning I was asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.