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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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When I eat potato chips, I lick each side to make sure the really salty part is down.

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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I cannot stand mosquito's if I am asleep and I hear one I turn my light on so I can find it and kill it and I wont rest until I do

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i open the cuboard door tosee if theres anything to eat and if theres nothing there i close it and go to the fridge if theres nothing there i go back to the cuboard =)

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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If there's leaves on the ground and the wind picks it up and makes like swirls I put my arms out to make it seem I'm controlling the swirls.

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I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.