Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

Look at a friend and realize that you have forgotten their name...

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

I buy books and never read them and get mad at myself for doing so.

Whenever another person sitting next to me at school doesn't push their chair in when they get up to leave, I do it for them because it looks more orderly.

I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

I say random stuff when I wake up. Just to make sure my voice is still working.

When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

Laughing randomly because you remembered something that was funny earlier

Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

whenever im getting a haircut, i feel as if the barber can see my embarrassing and private thoughts.

Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.

after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

I'm really picky about how I earn money

always check thde back seat before starting the car

before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.