After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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When i'm in a classroom I think about all of the possible ways to save everyone if something bad happens.

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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in my mind prisms are called pink floyd.

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mindlessly touch my laptop or desktop PC's screen after having just used a tablet.

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Accidentally turning the fan on instead of the light when you walk into the bathroom and having a mini-spazz attack because the sound scares you.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Squeezing my cat's face back so it looks Chinese.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When I am bored, I imagine saving my crush' s life and we live happily ever after. :( what an idiot I am

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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Someone asks you "what's up" and you awkwardly reply "good".

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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Take everything out of the fridge, and climb in it, and pretend your in a time capsule.

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Try to pet your cat with your foot.

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Look at a word and count the letters by 2's - continue counting the letters over and over by 2's until it comes out even at the end of the word.

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I stop the microwave at 1 second so that one someone else uses it it beeps

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Getting that huge shiver when you take a really good pee.

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.