Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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Look at a friend and realize that you have forgotten their name...

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

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I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

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I buy books and never read them and get mad at myself for doing so.

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Whenever another person sitting next to me at school doesn't push their chair in when they get up to leave, I do it for them because it looks more orderly.

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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I say random stuff when I wake up. Just to make sure my voice is still working.

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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Laughing randomly because you remembered something that was funny earlier

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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whenever im getting a haircut, i feel as if the barber can see my embarrassing and private thoughts.

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Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.

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after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

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mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

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I'm really picky about how I earn money

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always check thde back seat before starting the car

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before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.