Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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I chew my ice cream.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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avoid using ketchup and mayo since they make everything taste like um... ketchup and mayo... which is kind of boring

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While listening to music, I take my headphones off to make sure nobody else can hear it.

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right before I go to sleep, I think about a certain situation. so I will dream about that

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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im going to RAPEEEE that girl

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Laughing randomly because you remembered something that was funny earlier

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I always feel a little twinge of regret when I see "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service," because I know it's a lie.

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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put the volume on the TV as an even number, and feeling uncomfortable if it's on an odd number

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

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Domina Olga shows no mercy when she ride your dick

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I let everyone know I'm a lesbian as soon as I meet them, ('cause I wouldn't want to continue talking to someone who hates gays).

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When I'm listening to my ipod on a road trip I look out the window longingly and pretend to be in a music video

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.