I imagine myself dying in the worst possible way more than once a day. I don't know...today, I was driving on a bridge and all I could picture was it collapsing and falling onto me, When I'm lying in bed, I imagine my ceiling fan toppling me.

thumb_up thumb_down +282

Use head & "Shoulders" for pubic hair

thumb_up thumb_down -58

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Close you closet door whenever you are about to go to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

thumb_up thumb_down +15

forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

thumb_up thumb_down -75

when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

thumb_up thumb_down -84

If I see a shriveled, dried leaf while walking along the sidewalk I am compelled to step on it and make it crunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,617

when someone goes underwater in a movie I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived in that situation, I almost died during Finding Nemo

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +992

whale sperm

thumb_up thumb_down -180

cringe when I squeeze a cotton ball, ugh

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

thumb_up thumb_down -60

I have autofocus in my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

When playing Sims, i spend more time building my house, than playing the game itself.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -110

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

thumb_up thumb_down -36

when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.