Search "sex" whenever you see a dictionary.

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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I translate (parts of) songs into different languages in my head. I try to do it as good as possible.

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I put a small amount of water in glasses and freeze them for hot days when I want a cool drink

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On the train, try and mathematically make (add,subtract,multiply,divide etc.) the carriage number to get to ten

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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When I wait for something to load, I right click and then quickly try to drag a box around the right click box before it disappears. Then I try to right click and drag and see if I can outline the right click box before it appears.

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Have to take the phone with you everytime to the bathroom

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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I think I have superpowers and sometimes I try to use them by force, like lifting a pencil with my mind or elevate from the ground.

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Think about things I should be doing with my life.

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ask my dog questions then realize, she can't talk...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.