Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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sometimes, i smell my own farts.

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I sometimes wonder if im the only living person on earth and everyone else is just there in order to affect my existance -Henry

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When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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hate Justin Bieber

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Sometimes I think the whole world is set up, and I feel like I'm living in some kind of Truman Show. I even sometimes say "I know you're there" to the moon.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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When nobodys home, stay as quiet as possible just in case an intrudor is hiding somewhere

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Give a 'thumbs up' or a 'thumbs down' based strictly on how much you like the number it will change it to.

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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when someone goes underwater in a movie I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived in that situation, I almost died during Finding Nemo

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Pee in my work garbage can.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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reading the back of the cereal box when eating cereal

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When you tell yourself that this is the last page you'll read and end up reading three more.

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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Fill up a glass, drink half, then fill it up again.

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I always cry when I pray.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.