hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

After going to the bathroom, flush the toilet than hurry out of the bathroom and walk fast past a certain line going across the floor or make an imaginary line on the floor before the toilet fully flushes.

Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

Randomly flexing random muscles after long time of sitting at the computer

When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

Stepping on a LEGO block and instantly screaming and leap onto the bed.

Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

Ur mum

When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

THINK OF SOMETHING WEIRD YOU DO TO PUT ON THIS WEBSITE ONLY TO END UP FORGETTING IT BEFORE YOU GET ON THE COMPUTER

Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

I really enjoy self-pity.

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.