I sit in my sink and pretend that I am water.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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go though and like the posts with only one like so the person who wrote it doesn't feel alone.

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Get the feeling that somebody is going to grab your foot when you walk by a bed in the dark...

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when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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jack off

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My goal is to get as much as possible thumbs down at this post.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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ur parents never pay attention to u but when they do they r yelling at u

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Sometimes I like to count the amount of steps it takes to get upstairs/downstairs. Then I realize that the number is never the same.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.