Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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When you say something you think is funny but it turns out that it's only funny in your head so once you say it there's this moment of awkwardness and everyone else probably just forgets about it but it haunts you for the rest of your life. ~

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I never look out the window at night because I'm afraid there will be an Alien staring at me when I move the curtains.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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I get into a massive fight with my parents, and then do the thing i was told not to just so i can tick them off.

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I turn on the faucet or turn up the radio in the bathroom so maybe no one can hear me pee.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Trying to recreate all facial expressions of people on television, even animated ones!

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When taking a shit, I get freaked out in case I get teleported to a place with lots of people by a scientist from the future or something.

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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when someone asks you to not listen to they conversation and your listening to music at the same time, in the same room and when they have that conversation, you pretend to listen to your music.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.