hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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After going to the bathroom, flush the toilet than hurry out of the bathroom and walk fast past a certain line going across the floor or make an imaginary line on the floor before the toilet fully flushes.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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Randomly flexing random muscles after long time of sitting at the computer

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When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

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Stepping on a LEGO block and instantly screaming and leap onto the bed.

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Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

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Ur mum

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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THINK OF SOMETHING WEIRD YOU DO TO PUT ON THIS WEBSITE ONLY TO END UP FORGETTING IT BEFORE YOU GET ON THE COMPUTER

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

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I really enjoy self-pity.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.