When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

i use dental dams

Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

test how many stares you can scale in one step

When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

When I'm listening to my ipod on a road trip I look out the window longingly and pretend to be in a music video

Kick the fallen ice cube underneath the fridge

Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

I really like taking shits.

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.