When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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i use dental dams

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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When I'm listening to my ipod on a road trip I look out the window longingly and pretend to be in a music video

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Kick the fallen ice cube underneath the fridge

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

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I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

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I really like taking shits.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.