Wrap up inside a sleeping bag and slide down the steps.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Always fantasize about grabbing a cop's gun from his holster. Just because I am pretty sure I could.

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Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Getting really ticked off when Wikipedia tells you the ending of a book in the introduction. And the thing is that you don't even see it coming! Ex. My Sister's Keeper is about a family struggling with its own internal problems, especially with the oldest daughter having leukemia and the youngest is the only one who may or may not save her. *name* dies in the end. WTF?

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Sit down in a grass field... immediately start pulling up grass.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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Whenever I am in a conversation with someone, be it a family member, close friend, or stranger, I nearly always imagine either starting a random brawl with them for no reason (i.e. punching them in the face) or making out with them or something, neither of which I would ever consider doing. Am I alone?

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I always save a bite of my favorite food for last so that is the taste I have in my mouth when the meal is over.

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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Made after doomsday plans

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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When on a long car ride, i tend to look out the window and imagine that i am running on the side of the car and doing flips and other types of parkour to keep up with my car...

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Popping your finger in your bellybutton, and then smelling it. You secretly like the cheesy smell.

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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When walking on the sidewalk, try to walk the same number of steps on each square without looking awkward. (now, this is sooo weird, I have no clue if ANYBODY has ever done this more than once)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.