When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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join online argument even though you have no idea what the argument is about

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Pretending I'm in a phone call when I don't want someone to talk to me.

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When you fart in class but try to cover it up by moving around so other people think it was just the chair squeaking.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

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I think about all of the things of mine people will find if something happens to me

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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i use my thumb when using a DS instead of using the stylus

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stare at the same gender for a long time and think 2 urself "am i gay?" and when they look at you, you tun ur eyes another way!

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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When people are whispering you think they are saying bad things

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.