Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

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I refuse to eat cherry starbursts because they taste like medicine.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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When drunk, I often grab something, lift it into the air, and yell "I GOT THE POWER!" just in case it turns me into He-Man.

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I have short haircuts so I don't have messed up hair in the morning (It's a real time saver)

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I've had a problem all my life with people thinking I'm a boy, (I'm a girl) so when I first meet someone, my instinct is to find some reason, (however stupid) to say that I'm a girl, (EX: "Can you believe that people actually think I'm a boy?" like when I just meet them).

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Your mom. Just kidding everyone does her.

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Count the amount of birthday wishes on your facebook page, and compare it to other friends birthdays.

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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Smell my fingers after I pick u pennies or unlock the door with my keys!

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Go into a card shop, laugh hysterically at the funny ones, then leave. Then whilst walking down the street, you think of them again and burst out laughing. This is highly embarrassing when you're alone!

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pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Like a toy until it breaks.

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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kick something under the fridge that you dont want to pick up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.