I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Accidentally try to downloade PC software on your mac.

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I always paranoidly think that someone else might see what I see through my eyes he can't hear what I hear and he can't smell what I smell he can only see and if I close my eyes he falls asleep automatically I try to avoid thinking this but that's impossible

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

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mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.