every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Imagine yourself and friends as band members while listening to songs.

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I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Living in the shadow of an atheletic friend, and secretly wanting to beat them up just to prove that you're as good as they are.

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incognito mode on google chrome

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Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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Wonder if certain people can read my mind... start thinking weird stuff and try to stop.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.