When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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When I'm fighting with someone and I've ran out of good points, I just start making random noises.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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think about all of the things you would do if you were the only person on earth

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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Go up stairs two steps at a time. Avoid those stairs forever if there are an odd number and I have to end in a single step.

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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Stalk people on facebook, find out something interesting, and later claim that it 'came up on your newsfeed'.

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Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

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tell everyone that you think that mcdonalds is unhealthy and that you think there food is nasty but in reality you actually love it.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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when I get a really good idea, I write notes in excruciating detail, as I believe my brilliance will quickly disappear and I will have no idea what I was writing about ..

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getting self conscious when wearing a hoodie because you start pitting out and you can start to smell BO...

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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Clench your butt super hard to slowly let out a fart thinking no one will know.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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When in a public bathroom stall and having to take a number 2 i wait until there is nobody else in there to let it go and also exit the stall.

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When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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R A P E Children

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i pretend to have the ability of telekinesis and move things around my house , garden, playground...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.