When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

When I'm fighting with someone and I've ran out of good points, I just start making random noises.

Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

think about all of the things you would do if you were the only person on earth

check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

Go up stairs two steps at a time. Avoid those stairs forever if there are an odd number and I have to end in a single step.

sneeze without closing my eyes

Stalk people on facebook, find out something interesting, and later claim that it 'came up on your newsfeed'.

Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

tell everyone that you think that mcdonalds is unhealthy and that you think there food is nasty but in reality you actually love it.

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

when I get a really good idea, I write notes in excruciating detail, as I believe my brilliance will quickly disappear and I will have no idea what I was writing about ..

getting self conscious when wearing a hoodie because you start pitting out and you can start to smell BO...

Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

Clench your butt super hard to slowly let out a fart thinking no one will know.

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

When in a public bathroom stall and having to take a number 2 i wait until there is nobody else in there to let it go and also exit the stall.

When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

R A P E Children

i pretend to have the ability of telekinesis and move things around my house , garden, playground...

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.