When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Mayada stupid

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I have seen one of my submissions listed under "Quotes from other sites"

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Ask someone "what" when they tell you something even though you heard them clearly

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Laughing at a joke that you dont think is funny but everybody else does

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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I imagine myself dying in the worst possible way more than once a day. I don't know...today, I was driving on a bridge and all I could picture was it collapsing and falling onto me, When I'm lying in bed, I imagine my ceiling fan toppling me.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Sometimes when my mom is aking me something and then i tell her the truth i start smirking automatically as if i'd be lying because i don't know how to make a serious face

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Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.