I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

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Sometimes I stay as still as I can and stare at myself in the mirror until it scares me and I freak out about who I am and why I'm living. I have to think of my family and memories to snap out of it.

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I carry more money in my wallet than it appears, I just tuck some away because I think that if I can't see it and have to go through the trouble to get it out- then I won't spend it.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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I sleep in the nude.

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Tear up when I poop

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Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

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Put things in the front of the dishwasher 1st cause im to lazy to pull the whole thing out to put anything in the back or the right place.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

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when you can't think of anything to type you just type random letters. a;lsdfj;ldfkjsfasdfljf

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I put my finger in jars of jam/yoghurt/honey etc then lick the finger and repeat and hope nobody see's me.

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must have the tv volume set to an even number or feel weird

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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I bought a ps4 and really regret it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.