Turn the Microwave off at 1 second

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night with a feeling that I'm falling

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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When I do something stupid and people are around I hope that nobody saw me and I never tell anyone what I did. But if i do something stupid and I am alone I feel I have to tell somebody.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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i take words i just read or said and sing them to the tune of a song

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Writing d as b and b as d or p as q

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Get creeped out at seeing 11:34 at least once per day. The number even turns up everywhere in my life such as my jewelry store.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I rape small children ;).

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.