I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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pluck dried pieces of poop in your butt hair

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invent arguments in my head with people to hone my debate skills for future arguments.

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When I'm in the shower I act like I'm filming a music video.

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When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

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realize you are saying your thoughts outloud.

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Shit in the shower and pushing it down the drain with your feet

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Everytime I get new magazines or brochures in the mail I like to open them and smell them. Same with new electronics, I love that new smell.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Say "ow" when I drop something or before I get hurt

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.