no magazine on toilet? read shampoo bottle

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I put morals on posts to get a thumbs up. Moral: Posts with morals get thumbs up.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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Sometimes when I look at something up close, I alternate closing each eye and looking at the object from the other eye, then switch again. I do it really fast to make it look like that thing is moving. It's really entertaining.

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When drunk, I often grab something, lift it into the air, and yell "I GOT THE POWER!" just in case it turns me into He-Man.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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when i use omegle u usually say im a girl, when a guy says how long is his thing, i say 'mine too' :D

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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Having small fingers and, regardless, still unable to click on the right thing when on the internet with a touch screen phone.

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When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.