Sometimes I put on my running shoes to make myself feel like I worked out but I really didn't.

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I brush my teeth with the tap on because it sounds weird brushing in silence.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Breathe.

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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When I'm walking at night, I put up my hood and grin evilly at passing cars so it'll scare the drivers if they see

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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When in a room with a bunch of people, see the one person who's extremely cute and then get a random boner and think "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY"

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when u see a blond, brown,black,or red head girl u think of a blond,brown,black or red head joke -Randi L.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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when i watch tv and it cuts to break, if i hear someone on the tv tell me not to change the chanel, ill say "u cant tell me what to do!" and then ill change it.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

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I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.