I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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When someone is reading something I have to read it at sonic speed in my head before they get to the end and if i dont do it in time I get angry.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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When I do something stupid and people are around I hope that nobody saw me and I never tell anyone what I did. But if i do something stupid and I am alone I feel I have to tell somebody.

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read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

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Whenever I'm scared at night in my room I turn on music. Because the music will keep away people trying to get me. Obviously.

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Thinking you could bump into someone by the corner of a building (or a wall)

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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When listening to music on computer make sure your singing the words and act cool just incase the singer of that song and some other people you admire are watching you threw your webcam.

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Everytime i take of my sweater i start singing "its getting hot in here"

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When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

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Sometimes I stop typing in the middle of a sen

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.