you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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When you fart in class but try to cover it up by moving around so other people think it was just the chair squeaking.

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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Start thinking about how your walking, and then worry that you may lose control of your legs and fall.

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If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

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turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

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When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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draw pictures on the mirror from the shower steam

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If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.