Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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I can't trill my R's

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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I eat ass

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being super bored at shool

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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imagine shooting lasers out from the car and bouncing them of walls and back to the car

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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I like to sleep on the floor; my my cushion is too soft.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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I make different scenarios for different songs I listen to. I pretend the walls and couches are people. I talk to them.

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Start thinking about how your walking, and then worry that you may lose control of your legs and fall.

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When I see that someone else is typing while I'm texting them, I try to quickly finish what I'm typing and send it so that I won't have to change my response.

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Act as if you don't notice her, but you really are dying to take another look at her.

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Decide to think about important things in the shower, but continually lose the train of thought and eventually give up.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.