When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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imagine shooting lasers out from the car and bouncing them of walls and back to the car

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Everytime I look at the clock it see so say 4 20 9 11 or 11 11

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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I like to sleep on the floor; my my cushion is too soft.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

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when dialing a number, i hear the number itself when it is dialed

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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Randomly agree for the Terms of Service for just about everything on the internet. Then becoming very frightened at the thought that you have violated them in some way.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.