When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

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I fantasize about my idol as I try to fall sleep at night. He's Michael Jackson.

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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When I do something stupid and people are around I hope that nobody saw me and I never tell anyone what I did. But if i do something stupid and I am alone I feel I have to tell somebody.

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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Set Fire to the Rain

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.