you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

When you fart in class but try to cover it up by moving around so other people think it was just the chair squeaking.

wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

Start thinking about how your walking, and then worry that you may lose control of your legs and fall.

If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

draw pictures on the mirror from the shower steam

If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.