I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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call someone by a siblings name.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.