When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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k. everyone

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Think about breathing...

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My parents are annoying.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.