watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.