When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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I never feel bored

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.