watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

Try stick to something but fail in the end

Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.