After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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blink

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.