When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Pretend i'm a sim.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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listen to madonnas new album

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.