when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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i open the cuboard door tosee if theres anything to eat and if theres nothing there i close it and go to the fridge if theres nothing there i go back to the cuboard =)

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.