If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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When I listen to certain songs,it makes me feel awsome :D I listen to alot of LinkinPark -Briarwoodninja

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.