Take off the ends of the banana (

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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blink

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.