If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

When I listen to certain songs,it makes me feel awsome :D I listen to alot of LinkinPark -Briarwoodninja

Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.