When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.