I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Courtesy flush.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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My parents are annoying.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Mayada stupid

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.