Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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I think about other women when having sex

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.