When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.