try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I Masturbate Daily.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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the time where you sit behind a person that smells like BO badly!!!

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.