I can't piss with my shoes on.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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I piss in the bed every night

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.