Feels my beard with my tongue.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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make south park refferences every day

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.