When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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I was the real Stig...

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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I piss in the bed every night

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.