try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

I Masturbate Daily.

getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

the time where you sit behind a person that smells like BO badly!!!

When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

The older I get the more honest I get

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.