When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Tear up when I poop

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.