I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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I piss in the bed every night

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.