When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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I hit the frig after sex

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I cant ride a bike

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.