Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.