Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

Poo really loud

Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

Thinking your life is a movie...

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.