How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

thumb_up thumb_down -17

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I used to eat bath bubbles

thumb_up thumb_down -25

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I can only play a piano with my right hand

thumb_up thumb_down -31

When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

thumb_up thumb_down -37

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

thumb_up thumb_down -47

if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.