- Things You Think Only You Do

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

I can't piss with my shoes on.

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.