I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.