- Things You Think Only You Do

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.