- Things You Think Only You Do

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

I piss in the bed every night

When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

Have a big twitch, freak out when you are dosing off in class but suddenly wake up.

Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.