Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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I scratch and sniff.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Save more than once on your favourite game.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.