- Things You Think Only You Do

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

I can't piss with my shoes on.

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

I gotta get down of Friday

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

Put my hands together the 'other' way

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.