start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.