Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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only read the short jokes on this website

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.