don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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I was the real Stig...

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.