strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I always think I have special powers

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Tear up when I poop

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.