Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.