Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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I chew my ice cream.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.