When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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I Masturbate Daily.

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k. everyone

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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I hit the frig after sex

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.