Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

Thinking your life is a movie...

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

I gotta get down of Friday

Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

Go for a 10 mile run.

When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.