wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Ur mum

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.