- Things You Think Only You Do

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

Picking my nose.

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.