browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.