If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.