What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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I **** with no hands.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.