Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.