Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.