Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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i masturbate with my feet

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.