Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.