When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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I cant ride a bike

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.