strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Sometimes I toot.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.