Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Courtesy flush.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.