What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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I hit the frig after sex

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Getting over excited when you hear a song you like on the radio, even though you have it on your Ipod and can listen to it whenever you want.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.