Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Do somthing only you do

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Sometimes I toot.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.