How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

thumb_up thumb_down -24

get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When i get a back shiver. That's when i know something bad going to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Justin Beiber is a woman

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Just ocassionally stand up and pontlessly walk around the house when using the computer. Anyone?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

the power to regenerate your appendix

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.