watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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I was the real Stig...

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.