- Things You Think Only You Do

I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

Feels my beard with my tongue.

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

the power to regenerate your appendix

When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.