Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

I hit the frig after sex

If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

I used to eat bath bubbles

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.