Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.