start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

Thinking your life is a movie...

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

Run faster down hotel corridors.

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.