Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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I hit the frig after sex

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.