I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Sometimes I toot.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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I mean Diana Ross.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Lay in bed , and think what i could of said while i was talking to my crush or what could of happen.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.