when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.