when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I gotta get down of Friday

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.