Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Ur mum

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Courtesy flush.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.