Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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fall asleep in the shower.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.