I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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I chew my ice cream.

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I hit the frig after sex

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Hthe temptation to go up on the roof but when u get to where u go out get freaked and run away

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.