- Things You Think Only You Do

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

get a new to you car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.