after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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I gotta get down of Friday

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.