How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.