- Things You Think Only You Do

see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

Smoking in the shower.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.